hey, it's a really hard time to be light, but i want to encourage you to be confident in jesus and to endure!

FOR YOU WERE ONCE DARKNESS, BUT NOW YOU ARE LIGHT IN THE LORD. LIVE AS CHILDREN OF LIGHT.  - EPHESIANS 5:8

Don’t be a half-lit Christian.  

Okay my dear one, this is for you. And this is for right now. I know you need to hear this, because frankly, I need to hear this. Don’t be a half-lit Christian. It’s not who we’re meant to be, alright?  We “are light in the Lord”. I know you may not feel like it. Hey, it’s a really hard time to be light. And I’m struggling too, on the daily. But I want to encourage you to be confident in Jesus and to endure! He will equip you, just like he’s equipping me, even now. So let me share a little story with you about how God met me with this truth just the other day. 

These past 2 years have been the most difficult time in my life.  

Seriously. You don’t need details, ‘cause they don’t really matter. But I know you can relate. We’ve all found ourselves in over our heads at least at some point during this pandemic. So, just channel your inner “ouch” and say, “yup, me too.” Point is, it has been a really long time of hardship. Are you feeling me?

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Yesterday, I was on the floor. 

Figuratively, I felt like someone had knocked me down somehow. How could I be so emotionally and spiritually exhausted already at 9am? I knew I should read my Bible, but I just didn’t want to. So I struck a mental compromise and literally just laid down on the floor to stretch a bit while listening to the book of Hebrews. As I listened, God opened up my heart to Jesus in those words. Praise God that he isn’t above getting down on the floor with me! Anyhow, the book of Hebrews goes into great detail about the infinite value of Jesus, his perfections, his glory, his goodness... And as the author described Jesus’ life-giving sacrifice, I was filled with stupefied wonder. Why would the most amazing, wonderful, perfect person die for sinners? More specifically what could cause him to give his infinite perfections in return for my filth? I just laid there and cried as every word reminded me of Jesus’ radical, enduring, unbelievable love for me. And in the wake of all his undeserved affection, I heard this: 

“Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.”  

I felt like Jesus was speaking directly to me. He was reminding me in the whole book of Hebrews just how much he loved me, how he had rescued me, how he had given me himself. And knowing my weary heart and my deep emotional exhaustion, he said, “Now, don’t throw away your confidence in me, Natalie. You just need endurance.” Yes, confidence. Yes, endurance. Here he was, showing up again to peel me off of the floor and remind me of his gentle care, his unfailing mercy, and his faithfulness.  

So, I sat down and wrote out all the words.  

I confessed all of my frustrations, my inadequacies, my anger and hatred, my desire for control... And I repented. But most of all I repented for wanting a better situation more than I wanted him. Eeesh! How could I so easily diminish his tenderness, his goodness, and his love? So, I asked him for the very thing he’d shown me I needed: endurance. I asked him to help me, through his Spirit, to have confidence in his plan for me. He has made me a child of light, and I don’t want to be a dim, half-lit kind of person. I want to be light! Jesus is calling me (and you!) to endure in this season. He will equip us to “live as children of light” even now, especially now, when we most need to be a light, and not just for yourself but for your loved ones. We need to be a light in this dark season, pointing others to Jesus, “the true light that gives light to everyone” (John 1:5).

So, go to Jesus. Ask him for endurance.  Ask him to renew your confidence in him.  Ask him to equip you to live as a child of light in this dark season.

Thanks for reading,