When Life Falls Apart

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." — Hebrews 10:23

There have been days, even years, when the sun stayed hidden and all I could see were dark clouds and pouring rain. Just when I saw a ray of light, the sky would blacken, and another storm would overtake me. Trials like multiple miscarriages, burying an infant son, being diagnosed with an escalating disease, and going through an unwanted divorce all flattened me in their wake.

Hebrews 10:23 bids us to hold unswervingly to the hope that we profess, but how do we do that in the midst of unexpected grief? Here are 5 things I’ve learned to do when life falls apart:

Reorient My Mind

Reorienting my mind begins with understanding what true hope is. Our hope isn’t in a longed-for outcome but is grounded in the God who will never let us go. Among the life-giving truths that keep us from swerving are that we belong to Jesus, our sins are forgiven, God is working all things for our good, his Spirit lives in us, and we are guaranteed eternal life in Christ.

Draw Near to God in Prayer

After I understand where my hope lies, I can take hold of it by drawing near to God. In suffering, my prayers often begin with lament, which is crying out to God, holding nothing back, while trusting in his goodness. I pour out everything I feel—my doubts and disappointments, my fears and frustrations, as well as my problems and pain. God knows how I feel, and he invites me to tell him. Jeremiah spewed some of the harshest words in the Bible in a stream of angry accusations (Lamentations 3:1-20), but after his diatribe, his perspective shifted. He found renewed hope, not in changed circumstances, but in God himself.

Read Scripture When I Don’t Want To

God meets us in Scripture, but in past suffering I resisted opening the Bible when I wasn’t sure where to turn. Reading Scripture seemed like the “right” thing to do, but my mind often disengaged from the random pages I flipped to. I found several ways to resolve that roadblock beginning with asking God to meet me through his Word by praying, “My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word” (Psalm 119:28) and believing he would answer. I also find that having a specific place to read is immeasurably helpful, either in my regular Bible reading plan or a list of go-to passages that I turn to for comfort and hope. For me those passages are often in Psalms, including some favorites like Psalms 16, 27, 42, 46, and 56.

Recite Scriptures I’ve Memorized

Reciting the Scriptures I’ve memorized, praying them back to God, is another way I hold onto hope. I can do this anywhere, anytime, even if I’m lying in bed, dreading the day, or sitting in a waiting room, dreading the news. God’s words have the power to encourage me, dispel my fears, and give me confidence regardless of what I’m facing. The first passage I intentionally memorized to pray was: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea” (Psalm 46:1-2), and I still repeat those verses when I’m overwhelmed.

Remember He Who Promised Is Faithful

My hope is grounded in God’s faithfulness. Deliberately focusing on his character has transformed my perspective as it did Jeremiah’s, who declared after his intense sorrow: “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:21-23). I’ve been comforted by many of God’s attributes, but his love, power and faithfulness have been most meaningful to me in adversity. Here’s why:

God’s love. God’s love is steadfast and tender, but I’ve doubted that love in the midst of suffering. It’s easy to equate God’s love with answered prayers, prosperity, and a thriving family; when we don’t experience those, we often question God’s love. In fact, when my ex-husband left our family, I screamed in front of my pastor, “Why does God hate me?” I even asked God why he hated me, as I sobbed into my pillow at night, feeling he had abandoned me. Yet through that excruciating time, I discovered that intimacy with God in suffering is an extraordinary treasure–one that I can’t find elsewhere.

God’s power. Nothing happens apart from God’s sovereign will, not even a sparrow falling to the ground. I know that if God has allowed a trial into my life, then he has some blessing for me in it; it must be for my permanent good and eternal joy. Even when I’m overwhelmed with what’s in front of me and all I can see is loss, I know God will meet me in my grief each day. Since the entire universe is under his control, I can trust that he will work all things for my good, and that he’s doing something in and through my suffering that I will be grateful for one day.

God’s faithfulness. The God who has been faithful to me in the past will be faithful in the future. To cement this truth, I intentionally remember all the ways God has been faithful. The times when I felt desperate, and he met me. The ways he’s miraculously provided. The history of his faithfulness in Scripture. This intentional remembering is modeled throughout the Bible as we see the Israelites continually recount God’s deliverance, reminding themselves of God’s power and compassion. When I look back over my life, I can testify that God has never failed to meet my needs.

As Hebrews 10:23 exhorts us, we can hold fast to hope even in trials because God is faithful. Practically, we can take hold of that hope by first fixing our minds on what we have in Christ and then drawing near to God through prayer, immersing ourselves in Scripture, and reciting verses we’ve memorized. When we deliberately focus on God's character, remembering his love and faithfulness, we can have an unshakable confidence, firmly anchored in the promises of God.

Vaneetha Rendall Risner

Vaneetha Rendall Risner writes and speaks about suffering. She is the author of several books including a Bible study and her memoir. Vaneetha and her husband Joel live in Raleigh, NC where she writes at her website vanteeha.com about struggle and loss and the breathtaking way Christ meets us in it.