“A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” — Proverbs 11:25

So here I am again, teaching about a verse I’m no good at. You might think, “Sure you are. Your work is to refresh others.” Well…yes. That may be true. But as I reflect on this verse, I find myself longing for its fullness to fill me up. I’m stopped short by that one word: “refreshed.” I find myself asking, “Am I that? Am I filled up? Does my generosity flow from overabundance? Or am I woefully under-receiving?” Here’s the truth: 

I’m failing miserably at being refreshed. 

Maybe my desert lifestyle is just this season of summer mothering, where I’m pulled in a thousand directions by all the people, all the working, all the vacationing, all the feeding, all the driving around… Maybe I’m no good at being refreshed because it feels “unspiritual,” even selfish. Isn’t refreshing others the “spiritual” thing to do? Yet how can I pour out when I’m empty? So here’s my hope for this month: I want to receive.

I want to consider what it would look like for me to be refreshed, for me to first be filled up before I pour out. And I don’t just mean having a quiet time. I’m doing that. I mean: how can my days actually have spaces for rest and refreshment? Here’s to hoping this verse kicks me in the pants and helps me learn to receive, giving up on my gear-spinning to soak in some rest and be refreshed.

In the meantime, I wrote this poetic assessment of my right now. May it be a caution for you. 

I’m Giving Nothing

What’s the “spiritual” thing?
Fill others up. 

So I grind.
So I burn.
So I spin. 

Early.
Late.
All the day. 

But am I generous?
Am I a cold drink?
Am I pouring out?

No.
Unless the Lord fills me up,
I labor in vain. 

I rise early,
Stay up late—
Toiling for void.

I cannot give,
Because I do not have.
I do not have,
Because I do not ask. 

I am the caution tape.
The red flag.
The midnight oil,
Burning.

Lord, put me out.

I know. That’s pretty dark. So, let’s not end there. Let’s end with the hope our verse offers to all the dried up and weary, worn-out strivers like me. Can we just pray a minute together? 

Lord, help me stop striving. Help me stop thinking I have to be all things and do all things, like everything would fall apart if I didn’t. You are the one who holds all things together, not me. And you are kind and generous. You long to refresh me even more than I long to be refreshed. Help me receive. Help me rest. Fill me up. Amen.

Want to dive even deeper? Get this month's Digital Bible Study, where Natalie walks you through 12 simple sessions to help you live out this verse.