"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." — Hebrews 10:23
Oh Jesus,
You are my hope. But not just mine. You are the hope—the hope of the lost, the lonely, the broken, the breakers and takers, the rebels and wrong-doers, all of us who long to be free and forgiven, but couldn’t do it on our own. Into our hopelessness, you broke in—paying our debt with your life, throwing wide the doors of our prison and heaven itself. And there you sit enthroned even now—ruling, reigning, and pleading our cause. But you are no far-off hope. Your Spirit lives in us, filling and guiding us, affirming that our hope is well placed. And one day all our hopes will be fully realized in you. Oh Jesus. You are beyond good, beyond wonderful. You are the hope of all mankind, my hope, the hope I cling to.
Except when I don't.
And so often I don’t. I let go of you, and hold on to other things. On sunny days, my heart drifts from you, straying towards the good things you give—shiny things, new things, relaxing things, next things, wonderfully, glorious things—lesser things, inadequate things, unsafe and unsturdy things. They don’t fully fill and cannot finally last. And when the storms of life come these flimsy hopes cannot hold me fast.
In those storms I should hold fast to you.
But still, I don’t. When life beats me down and overwhelms, even still I don’t reach out for my one life-saving hope. Though I know and have experienced that hope in so many hopeless places, so often instead I reach out for change, for knowledge, for control. I hope in outcomes—looking for answers, resolutions, solutions, any possible possibility. And yet those hopes cannot buoy my soul. Instead, I sink to the bottom, where my darkened heart reaches out for empty things to numb and distract me from my troubles.
In these and so many other situations I let go of you, my hope.
But you never let go of me. Not for one second. You hold me through every up and down. You are unwavering, unchanged in affection for me. Though I leave you, you have not left me. My hope is still there, firm and true. It does not depend on me, but you. My hope isn’t held by the strength of my grip, but yours. My hope isn’t contingent on my faithfulness, but yours. My hope is sure, because you are sure. You will never let me go.
Oh Jesus. Forgive my faithlessness, my seeking after other things. Be my hope once more. Surely, I will let go again. I praise you that you never will.
Amen.
