Following God's Direction

"No matter how self-sufficient, efficient, amazing, big boss lady getting stuff done I can be, I still just can’t be enough sometimes." 


“Mama.”

The rain on the sound machine is calling me back to sleep. The sheets are warm, which is perfect as the cold air is swirling above me, the blades of the ceiling fan pushing it along.

“Mama. Mama.”

I start running through the day. Get that thing for the thing we’re going to… don’t forget the appointment time changed… shoot, I didn’t order the dress in time to get the free shipping deal last night… He’s not making any noise. Maybe he will go back to sleep…Please go back to sleep.”
“MA MA. MA MA.”
I check my phone and there’s still a 4 on it. I see all the emails. The business. The orders. The don’t forgets start to pile on and it’s pressing in on my chest.

“MA MA. MA MA.”
Matt is lying still, unfazed by our baby boy shouting down the hallway. How is it that he can sleep through anything?
“MAMAMAMAMA!!!”
How am I going to respond to that email… I have to do it today.
Should I say yes to that project?
I got to get that quote out.
Don’t forget Matt’s birthday gift.

Push.
Pull.
Stress.

Running. Running. RUNNING.

“MAMAAAAAAAAAA!”
Its 5:07 AM. I’m up. And I’m already exhausted.
My day has punched me in the face before I can even pour my first cup of coffee. No matter how self-sufficient, efficient, amazing, big boss lady getting stuff done I can be, I still just can’t be enough sometimes.

About six months ago, I was in a season where I was on another level of the rat race. I was working a ton, and my mind was tied up in pretzel knots of action items, don’t forgets, and “put it on the lists”. And because of it, I was short on patience with my baby, snappy and irritated with my husband, unable to say yes to friends when they needed help, and altogether frazzled. I was exhausted and feeling completely burnt out. Though I was doing the things I knew God had for me, I wasn’t being who he created me to be. I finally hit my breaking point and found myself in prayer… “God, I’m tired, I’m overwhelmed… but I know that the work you’ve laid out before me is my purpose. So what am I supposed to do? What would you have me do?” And then I listened. In the days to come the worries and stresses began to lessen. I just kept asking him… “God, what would you have me do today?”

Six months. And I haven’t stopped asking “God what would you have me do today?” The work hasn’t changed. My baby has only become more testy than before (he’s two now and exerting all his new found independence). My husband still leaves out piles that drive me mad. But here’s the deal. When I ask this question to God, I am living in the day exactly where he wants me—next to him, relying on him, trusting him. I am able to remember that I am enough not because I am strong, or smart, or organized, or efficient, or work hard, but because he strong. I am patient and present and polite with my loved ones because I am free to rest knowing they aren’t an interruption to my day, but a blessing and that God will give me just enough time to accomplish all he’s planned for my day. I can walk in his purpose instead of running circles in my own.

“Ma Ma.”
God, what would you have me do today?
“Ma. Ma.”
God, what would you have me do today?
“MAMAAAAAA!”
God, what would you have me do today?


 How would your day look differently if you asked God into it every morning?

 

Where do you need to let God in to your stress and daily grind?


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