a great question for self-reflection

"May the god of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the holy spirit." — Romans 15:13

Am I enjoying Jesus? 

I’m devoted to Jesus. 

I’m serving Jesus. 

I’m submitting to Jesus.  

But am I enjoying Jesus? 

I’m consulting Jesus. 

I’m praying to Jesus. 

I’m listening for Jesus. 

But am I enjoying Jesus? 

It’s a question a friend posed. And yet, it doesn’t feel like a very friendly question. It’s been haunting me; I want to avoid it. But it keeps on pressing in, past all of my doing, past all of my good choices, even past my loving devotion, and straight into my heart. I am working to please Jesus, but is he a pleasure to me? 

Am I enjoying Jesus? 

I want to say, “Yes!” with all my heart, “Yes!” And yet, I know it would be false. I know deep down that I’m doing what’s right by routine, controlling instead of praying, not out of a heart that’s overflowing with joy (or peace or hope). Just being, not thriving. 

I am not enjoying Jesus.  

And how long has it been? Weeks for sure. Weeks of trudging along, head down, working, tethered to busyness. How long since a song burst out of my mouth from sheer thankfulness and joy? Too long.  

Whew. I needed to answer that question. 

It’s a question that was sparked by our verse, but it isn’t the only question our verse is asking us. Our verse tells us that our experience of joy and peace and hope are in direct relationship to our trust in God. It says that “as we trust in [God],” he fills us up with all those wonderful things. So, naturally, if we aren’t experiencing them, in some way, we aren’t fully trusting in him. Now, we know from our teaching podcast this month (listen here) that when we trust in Christ for our salvation, our position before God, our peace with him, and our eternal hope are secure because God is faithful. However, this verse isn’t talking about our initial, saving faith, it’s talking about our ongoing, daily trust. And just like our trust fluctuates, so does our experience of joy, peace, and hope. There’s a direct correlation. God fills us with joy, peace, and hope “as we trust in him.” So here are the diagnostic questions that come out of our verse: Am I experiencing joy? Am I full of peace? Am I overflowing with hope? And the answers to those questions should help us isolate whether or not we’re trusting God in our ongoing daily situations.  

I’m so glad she asked. 

These questions (and the one my friend asked) are meant for our good. In pondering them, I see how I haven’t been trusting God with people and situations that feel very much out of my control. I don’t have peace because instead of trusting him, I’m worrying. I don’t have hope because instead of trusting God with the outcomes, I’m trying to control them and end up feeling overwhelmed. And truth be told, I’m not enjoying God because I’ve been treating him like a bank teller, all business, just here to make some deposits and withdrawals. Sheesh. I needed to see that in myself, as ugly as it is. 

So, what now?  

Trust. Plain and simple. Of course, it’s a process, but here’s what it looks like for me: I’m going to work through every worry and fear, and give them over to God in prayer. I’m already looking up verses to memorize and meditate on that will ground me in God’s promises for this kind of situation. And do you know what? Already, I feel tremendous peace and hope as I surrender my attempts at self-reliant control over my situation and choose instead to trust in him. And I found myself spontaneously singing just a little while ago. 

So, what about you?

Are you enjoying Jesus?

Are you experiencing peace?

Are you overflowing with hope?

Thanks for reading,

Natalie